(Source: jennieandthejets, via captaintwatter)
Amen/Apen.
You know when you find THAT pen. The pen that makes you forget about every other pen that you had ever abused your hand with. Anyway, I found that pen tonight. It’s swarovski btw and my only moan is that it is black ink and not blue but we’ll get by.
So, I thought this called for me to actually write something considering I’m finished uni for summer and I’m going to get that disease where you forget how to write due to lack of it. This is what the magical pen produced…
‘So I haven’t wrote shit in ages and this is one of those good pens that you think could resurrect Jesus just so he could relish in the experience.
Is Jesus actually dead?
I mean, he died on the cross yes, but then the big rock rolled away thus creating Easter and big J-Dog wasn’t there. So, is he still running about somewhere or was his body just mauled by giant Israeli fruit bats? I also don’t understand this Turin Shroud nonsense. Jesus was wrapped in a cloth, yes, and apparently his body left an imprint of decomposition juice on it. BUT it was like three days before he disappeared, maybe three weeks but regardless, if Jesus just vanished then surely he wasn’t some rotten zombie flying about? I think the Turin Shroud is fake, like I think that’s a fact.
Let’s face it, Jesus H. Christ (again, the H? What?) was like the Derren Brown of his day: pretending he did cool stuff but in reality was just very talented at fooling people. A bit like the Devil in that sense, but that’s for another blog.’
If any creepy Jesus activists dislike my use of the Devil and His Majesty in the same paragraph then they can just go suck a lemon.
I wish Will Smith was my Dad.
(Source: j13jackson)
“I prepare for the noble war. I’m calm, I know the secret. I know what’s coming and I know no one can stop me, including myself. I kill people I like. Some of them beg for their life. I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel anything. It’s a filthy world we live in. It’s a filthy goddamn helpless world.”
Tate Langdon-“American Horror Story”
(via differentreality)
Everyone should watch this video. It’s absolutely outstanding.
Watching this has vastly improved my life.
Bitch, can you even grow a plant in two months? Like, bitch, what are you doing with yourself that you are wallowing in self pity, acting like you just fucking survived the fucking holocaust? Fuck a significant other at this point.
—Kingsley.
I’m definitely going to do a skydive. Definitely. If I was a nicer person I’d do it for charity but I’m not. I might do it for like, Germany or something. (This is a joke. Please don’t think I’m some sort of white supremist. That’s for another blog). Got told to go ‘Live my life’ today in a really weird you’re-not-even-dead-why-are-you-talking-like-it way so yeah I’m gonna go a skydive.
Also, I was trying this whole ‘YOLO’ thing and actually ate a Rustlers 60 second chicken sub disaster and it’s something I will forever regret. Please don’t eat them. They have that awkward spice flavour that just tastes of artificial insemination and they’re a bit sweaty and it’s not as fun to play ‘pat the burger’ game. I am still currently eating it mind you.
Might go read Catcher In The Rye cos some stupid bloody idiot told me to. Sigh, he has such nice hair.
Amen mon freres.
